Hello. There is not nearly enough written about cats. From my viewpoint, that is. My name is SnowChief. I am a cat.
I want to get a few things straight about cats.
· Cats don’t care about being men or women – we are cats and proud of it. I got “fixed” some year’s back, but still get called a “man”. Who cares?
· Cats don’t care about being old or young – we are cats. Most days, I feel like a kitten. When it’s cold out and I think back on being 16 human years old, I feel old. When I sit in the sun in the window where the People use their computers, I feel young.
· Cats don’t care about social conventions. That is for dogs. If you slight me by not inviting me to some family gathering, REALLY now! I don’t care. I will stay home and eat my Meow Mix and bask in the sun on the couch.
· Cats don’t care about clothes. Please, please don’t try to make a poodle out of me and put a sweater on me. I am dressed quite beautifully enough in my own gorgeous gray fur. Thank you very much! I know I am beautiful. The She one tells me that all the time. Going on about my pretty eyes and fluffy tail and on and on….enough already! Cats are all beautiful.
· Cats don’t care about dogs. I had a dog for a long time – name was Buster. He was big and black and smelly. Got kind of snippy towards me and my brother, Jumper. Buster died. Well, I used to lay next to him when it was cold. He was warm. I guess I miss him a little.
· Cats don’t care about other cats. Hmmmm, not entirely true. I miss Jumper. Somebody visited once and left the door open. Jumper bailed on us. I did too for a while but Boy found me and put me back inside. I miss Jumper most at midnight. I walk around the house yelling “JUMPER! JUMPER!”. Maybe he can hear me and come back home.
· Cats don’t care about money. I don’t have a pocket to put it in. The People buy my food. What do I need money for?
· Cats don’t read email. I have an email account. I get messages from MSN telling me about the new Hotmail system. I ignore it generally.
· Cats don’t need attention. Are you kidding me? I love attention – bask in it, adore it! When I want it that is. Please, please let me sleep when I’m asleep. It’s chemical. I crave sleep. Lots of sleep.
Excuse me – all this work has put me in the mood for sleep. Right after my Meow Mix.
Noir by Christoper Moore
2 weeks ago